Saturday, March 24th, 2007
Hello and welcome back to Mode 7 Games.
Ian is away in Germany at the moment, and I’m working really hard on what I like to call “money work” – things that I do with my time which keeps me alive and makes the tax man get excited.
Sorry if we haven’t been as in touch with you lot as we’d have wanted recently.
Here are some things:
1.) We’re about to make a major announcement about Determinance’s future, possibly as early as next week.
2.) I might be about to go and do a talk about music in games in Cambridge, alongside someone extremely cool. Maybe.
3.) When Ian comes back, he’s going to be working flat out on the first Determinance update.
4.) I’m about to start another round of PR, and you should be seeing Determinance reviews appearing in some major UK magazines very soon.
5.) We’re about to get Plimus set up so you can buy Determinance directly from us and also from Dan Gibbage.
This is ALL! I’m still here if you want to get in touch with me – “hit up” the Contact page.
Sunday, March 11th, 2007
The servers have been quiet over the last week, with a lot of our regular players doing other things. It’s our absolute number one priority to have the servers populated more, and that’s what I’ll be focussing on this week – stay tuned for further announcements.
Tuesday, March 6th, 2007
As my esteemed colleague notes, the blog has indeed been quiet over the last week. We’ve been working pretty hard on some stuff we can’t announce just yet. And I’ve also been drunk a lot.
There’s not too much new to say right now: the community is still growing extremely well, and I’m especially enjoying the current Duel Arena tournament. We’ll be running one a month I think. I’m starting work on the Content Update, which will be awesome but I better wait until I find out how long it’s going to take before I get any of you too excited.
Monday, March 5th, 2007
Yes, that’s right, the competition has now closed and I’m about to announce the winners…
…but before I do, I’d like to make a comment about the high quality of all the entries. Unfortunately, I can’t. Zing!
Well, Malakian’s keyboard was fairly special, but since he didn’t provide any audio (as he promised), I don’t really feel that I can give him the prize. Solojony’s pictures were interesting interpretations of the term “‘special’”, but not really up to the sheer shock value of the others.
Nadroj’s picture of an adult entertainer of limited stature, and ArtemisGoldfish’s just-so-very-wrong image were the ones that did it for me. Congratulations, guys. Send me your addresses using the contact form and a very wonderful copy of “Special” will be on its way to you.
Sunday, March 4th, 2007
Apologies if we’re a tad quiet at the moment – we’re working on business stuff and trying to get development started on the update. Stay tuned.
Thursday, March 1st, 2007
Oh yeah, It’s time for The Encounter With Dracula Is Terminated! This week, I’ve been hitting the ‘post-cyberpocalyptic’ streets of Neo-New York in Chef Boyardee’s Barkley, Shut Up and Jam: Gaiden, Chapter 1 of the Hoopz Barkley SaGa.
The Chaos Dunk, an incredibly powerful “jam”, has become a threat to the balance of chaos and order in the world. In response to this danger, it was decided that basket ball would be outlawed and a purge of basketballers would take place. It did, and “B-Ballnacht”, a day still fresh in the minds of the few survivors, wiped out thousands and thousands of the worlds greatest ballers. I feel really compelled to just point out before we go any further that this is actually a real game, and that I haven’t made it up in an irreparable lapse of what to write in this week’s article. Charles Barkley, one of the few survivors, lives with his son Hoopz. It’s a meagre existence in a ruined, crime ridden New York, but it just gets worse when “a Chaos Dunk rocks the island of Manhattan, killing 15 million!” Your guess is as good as mine.
With Manhattan destroyed, the finger is pointed at the protagonist, Charles, as he is the only one capable of such a stern dunking. When a sell out Michael Jordan arrives with the b-ball removal squad to take you down, you are a man on a mission: Clear your name and find out what the motherdunk is going on behind the terrorist organisation B.L.O.O.D.M.O.S.E.S, who are orchestrating these shenanigans. To be honest, you’d probably be forgiven for asserting that it’s time to slam and/or jam, and that’s EXACTLY WHAT IS GOING TO HAPPEN.
As we’re both suffering from synopsis at this point, let’s slam and j…Lets get right to it. There is one thing that shines above all others in what makes this game the fucking master and that is the titles to its musical score. These, which incidentally sound like eighties moody synths being smashed into an Amiga, are as follows. Okay, so you’ll no doubt be containing the proverbial lols when you see the generic “boat1.mid”, but…But…..“Super! Super! Gay! Gay!” and “Click here for moustache rides” are worthy of more than note.
The game plays and looks a lot like a very simplified Final Fantasy VI, as does anything made with the RPG maker in question. Ain’t no bad thing, though. It’s a winning formula for telling a ridiculously over dramatic story about some exploding basket ball shit. The story itself, though, IS the genius/insanity line. Everything about it is so appallingly dumb yet awesomely fantastic. The indie game scene is fruitful and creative, I know, but come on. We all wish we’d carried on from where space jam left off…I think.
I’ll be honest, as much as I find it hilarious that Michael Jordan is the equivalent of Darth Vader, I found the reams of basketballer pseudo-history a bit perturbing. This is probably because I’m British and have no recognition of these people beyond the super famous names. Still, even if I knew who they were waxing lyrical about, I wouldn’t want to hear about how each one used to be a wild mamma jamma for a few paragraphs before I can LOOK TO THE CYBERDWARF. I’m afraid it’s going to be knocked a Kim Coates head for this. What it does score points on, however, is the fact that the save points lambast you with irate fury that some people on the internet are abusing the portmanteau “vidcon” by adding a space, and that square-enix are now selling machine guns.
This game isn’t bringing anything phenomenal to the table game play wise – it’s a generic looking, generic playing RPG maker RPG. Still, that’s not what matters. What matters is that this is the first short chapter in what promises to be the best balance of unexplainably, inexcusably retarded and complete best-enjoyed-drunk joy that an RPG can offer. I strongly suggest checking it out if you’re willing to accept space jam happened and you have an interest in, um…Saving the planet from an evil basketball. I know I do.
SCORE: 3 out of 5 Kim Coates heads.