?????????

Well, as some of you may have noticed, I haven’t been checking in as much the past eon. This is because I was in sunny California, had exams, and then got drunk all the time. Note to peoplez: I am going to rant on again now. The Encounter with Dracula is BACK, and will be updated FAR MORE STUPIDLY and FAR MORE REGULARLY until further notice.

To justify why I’ve been so lazy updating, I’m going to pull out and play this card: I am a person who struggles to grab a first idea when composing something. Be it a song, picture, essay, blog post, whatever, soon as I have an idea I can roll with it like a katamari, but until then, I just tend to not bother. Anyway, today I decided it’s bloggin’ time, so I am going to make an outrageous statement in this vaguely video game orientated and oddly titled diatribe. Maestro, if you’d be so kind.

Video games and their short term future prospects, as in right now, are utterly boring. I decided to have a peruse of the usual suspects for big game news, and I couldn’t get the sound of bouncing tumbleweed out of my ears until I listened to the Barkley shut up and jam theme tune. I truly cannot find anything I find remotely interesting, especially on the pc, in the short term future of mainstream video games. Are the major publishers aware that the industry is currently less exciting than Bill Oddie? I do not know how long this stretch of nothing but solely sequel/tie in/RTS can last, but it seems as if my dual core pc is really going to waste on the current array. It’s moments like this, however, which really give me faith in the viability of independent games in the market.

So, as I found the world of overpriced video games drab, I decided to take on the internet game Paul blogged about a few days ago. The game is called Rose & Camellia, and all I can say is if someone doesn’t make the Wiimote compatible, Nintendo have wasted a console.

The objective in Rose & Camellia is simple: Slap your increasingly stern opponents IN THE FACE. As I don’t have the necessary plug-ins or whatever to view the page in its natural form, all the text around the game window appears as “??????????????” on my screen…It really couldn’t be more fitting, as if I wasn’t thinking “what the fuck is going on?” then I was virulently slapping someone’s cheek. A bit like real life, actually.

The music is the first thing to hit you, and it sounds like a vague mix of Japanese and classical music formed from synth piano, synth guitar, and synth pile of total shit. There are two main modes of play. The two sections are respectively “She beats you!” and “Beat her cheek!” During “She beats you!” the player must skilfully follow the indicated path with the mouse to evade the opponents slap. If The Matrix was actually Pride and Prejudice it would probably look a bit like this part of the game. The other side of the coin is “Beat her cheek!” and…um…in it, you beat her cheek. You beat it GOOD.

All in all there isn’t that much to recommend Rose & Camellia for as a game, but unless you’ve been violently sexually assaulted or been to the Tate modern, there really isn’t an experience like it.

More on the issue of slapping cheeks same time tomorrow.

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This entry was posted on Friday, July 27th, 2007 at 10:56 am and is filed under News, The Encounter With Dracula. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

One Response to “?????????”

1. Paul:

   § July 31st, 2007 at 2:13 am

   YES – “If The Matrix was actually Pride and Prejudice it would probably look a bit like this part of the game.”

   Wins you the Pulitzer: “All in all there isn’t that much to recommend Rose & Camellia for as a game, but unless you’ve been violently sexually assaulted or been to the Tate modern, there really isn’t an experience like it.”

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